A slice of life is what we call it. It’s a piece of your story, a part of either your present or your past where the Lord has shown himself to be working.
Each Sunday at my local church, someone share’s a slice of life as an encouraging testimony to the active presence of the Lord in their life. I know I’ve always appreciated every person who has stepped into the vulnerability of sharing something from their life; it’s so nice to know that we can open our hearts to each other because we really are a united family through Jesus.
A few weeks ago, one of the church leaders asked if I could share a slice of life. “Of course, I’d love to,” was my response. While I didn’t know what I would share when I made the commitment, I knew I’d have something when the time came.
… Until I didn’t.
It was the week prior and I still didn’t have clarity on what to share. I worked on putting some words together, sensing a hazy direction of where the Lord was taking me. But all that came out of it was a million individual sentences that did not flow together. Usually I can write fairly easily, words tend to just flow once I start writing… But this was different, and I kept thinking, “Man, am I not supposed to share or something?”
The thing is, I wanted to have something cool to share about what God is teaching me lately, but in all honestly I didn’t have anything “cool” to share from the present day. Instead, the truth is that there’s been tension between God and me. I wish I could go up there and say, “Man, God is just amazing in every way, I trust him 110% in everything…” But honestly, I’m not 100% there.
As I wrestled with what to share, how to share in truth and vulnerability but in encouragement and a testament to the work of God, the thought came: “Cassie, either be honest or don’t share at all.” It was a prompt to share the truth about this tension in my heart, while also expressing the hope God has given me amidst it. So, that Sunday, I didn’t have a tidied-up “slice” to share with my brothers and sisters… But I still had the opportunity to share what God truly has been teaching me in all of this. Everything I’m writing in this post today is what I shared that Sunday.
You see, I have had a build up of suppressed anger at the Lord from over the years of desiring and asking him to work in a specific way yet repeatedly receiving disappointment. I have thoughts like, “God, why aren’t you answering my prayers? Aren’t I asking something good that’s in alignment with what you want?”
Just for context, I have this desire for all people to come to know God, for not one person to be separated from Him forever, and I think “Why does that have to be the case? Does any person actually HAVE to die without Jesus? Does anybody HAVE to go to hell? God wants all people, right?” So when I’ve been with friends or acquaintances, and I beeeggggg God to save them, and I don’t see that come through, my mind goes to not only them but also all of the other people in general who haven’t gotten saved in times past and I say, “Why? Why wouldn’t God want them saved? Why doesn’t he save everyone? And why am I praying so hard for them if it’s not going to do anything except just increase the agony I feel about how many people are separated from God? Why am I putting myself through more pain than I have to be in?”
So, that’s the battle I feel in my heart. How can I reconcile this beautiful, amazing, awesome God that I know with this God who isn’t saving people? I get so frustrated about it. Yet at the same time I love God and don’t want to be angry at him… I want to just see him for his 100% pureness and beauty that he is… I want to see him through the lens where everything is just perfect and right and makes sense.
This tension over time left me disconnected from my feelings towards God, because I’ve been avoiding the anger and frustration that I have at God while also trying to enjoy him, and the disjointed approach isn’t working. That’s something God’s shown me recently… That our intimacy isn’t growing or flourishing because I’m hiding from this one area of anger in my heart, and God wants to come into that space now.
[O]ur intimacy isn’t growing or flourishing because I’m hiding
I recognize that something is wrong with my image of God, my perspective of who he is, and I need a perspective shift. So I did admit that to God, sharing that I at least see something is wrong but I have no idea what to do and I need help.
The Sunday before sharing, I was at another church service, and in short, something happened that spurred me on to admit to God, “I’m not gonna let my heart get excited about people coming to know Jesus… Even if a lot of people are on fire for Jesus, there’s still so many who are lost, and that’s just sad to me. I’m just thinking about all the people who won’t believe, and I have no guarantee that they ever will…”
I continued praying. “God, I want to get excited about people coming to know you. I’m scared to have dreams like this though because my experience says you’ll disappoint them… But I also know that’s not true! God, you ARE the God of hope. You are supposed to be the best ever! God, please help me. Can you give me a vision? Can you help me get excited about you again?”
As I sat there with worshipful music playing around me, I felt like God put this next question in my head, “What if? What if you just let yourself dream? What is it that you would just LOVE to see happen, that it would be the best thing ever? Just let yourself go there… because those dreams are from me.”
I pondered that for a moment and thought, “Yeah, God is greater than the grandest thought, and if I do conjure up the ‘grandest thought,’ that just serves as a picture of the exciting true hope we really do have from God. If I think of something so amazing, guess what? God IS going to beat that in reality someday. So, yeah, just let yourself dream!”
What if? What if you just let yourself dream?
So I did. It was just a moment, but I had a vision of everyone living in perfect community together, all of us loving God and loving others the way God had designed, not one soul lost. I used to get deflated from an image like this because I’d think “not everyone will come to know God. This image isn’t even true.” But this time, I didn’t let that deflating thought in. I let myself just dream. How amazing would it be if all people did come to know the Lord, if we all were worshiping him in wholeness and in purity? What!? That’s freaking amazing!
A few verses came to my head:
- Romans 8:18 — “For I consider the sufferings of this present time not worth comparing to the glory that is to be revealed to us.”
- 2 Corinthians 4:17 — “For this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.”
I could feel a glimpse of that reality, just imagining this overwhelming weight of amazement that just blows you out of the water. Glory is coming that will knock my socks off, even though right now I can just feel the weight of agony… but this glory will exceed the greatest dream I could ever imagine.
It felt like God was saying, “That is what you need to hang onto. That’s a picture of what’s coming. Remember that. And now, we’re going to go through a process of you learning the truth of who I am, working on your heart so you can worship me in wholeness and authenticity. Trust me in this process. But keep dreaming.”
So that’s where I am! I’m on a journey of being honest with God about my beliefs of who he is, letting him actually shine light on these areas in my heart and truly teach me the truth of who he is. Meanwhile, I’m practicing dreaming again. I’m practicing being full of hope. Because, somehow in someway, God will knock my socks off. He will outdo himself. He will trump the greatest dream I could have. If I dream of every single soul being with God in the end, somehow and in someway, whatever God ends up doing in the end will be even greater than what I can even dream of. And I’m excited for the journey of getting to know him in further truth, in places where I’m not believing him through the right perspective quite yet. He is faithful, and he will do it. I’m holding on to hope.
And that’s a slice of my life. 🙂
Write with a Purpose 
And hope is often what we need… Many have given up hope and caved into depression. All the best! 🙏🏻😅🙏🏻
Thank you for sharing!